You Know It's a Bad Day When...

1  You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
2  You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
3  Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
4  Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a 
   group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
5  Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
6  You wake up and your braces are locked together.
7  You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
8  Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
9  Your income tax check bounces.
10 You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
11 Your pet rock snaps at you.
12 Your wife says "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
13 The bird singing outside of your window is a vulture.
14 You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
15 Your four year old tells you that its almost impossible to flush a 
   grapefruit down the toilet.
16 Your car costs more to fill up that it did to buy.
17 You have to borrow from your Visa to pay off your MasterCard.
18 The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
19 Your manager calls you into the office on a Friday.
20 Every job lead at Lockheed leads to people who are always at 
   offsite/getting the business/CI/etc meetings
21 Every person you ask for job leads says;"I wish *I* had some job leads"
22 People you talk to outside of Lockheed say,"You could try company ABC. 
   Oh, but they laid off 25% of their people 3 months ago."
23 Fellow co-workers on AFR talk *seriously* about jobs at K-Mart.
24 People in your department greet each other with "How's the job search?" 
   instead of "How's it going?"
25 You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.
26 Your ex's lawyer calls.
27 You wake up face-down on the sidewalk
28 You go to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and they're gone
29 The person you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your spouse
30 Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
31 You wake up to discover that your waterbed broke; then you remember that 
   you don't have a waterbed
32 Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache
33 You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your panty