Being Annoying

                             WAYS TO BE ANNOYING








     * Take the hotel towel

     * Pay tolls with $100 bills

     * Practice the art of limp handshakes

     * Tell the ending of movies

     * Give little kids clothes for their birthdays

     * Leave the toilet seat up

     * Take more than

     * items to the express checkout lane

     * Turn on your bright for oncoming traffic

     * Finish other people's crossword puzzles

     * Use the last square of toilet paper

     * Tailgate the elderly

     * Drum your fingers during other people's presentations

     * Blow out other people's birthday candles

     * Don't leave a message at the beep

     * Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot

     * Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways

     * Eat produce at the market; don't buy it

     * When giving directions, leave out a turn or two

     * Toss things out the window: tissues, cigarettes, cellophane food

       wrappings and those sorts of things

     * Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April

     * Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures

     * See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are

       sitting by the window

     * Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making

       dinner and hotel reservations

     * Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons

     * Go up the down escalator (B.P., this means you)

     * Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of


     * Snap your gum

     * Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave

       the cap off

     * Open umbrellas in crowded hallways

     * Announce when you're going to the bathroom

     * Read over other people's shoulders on the bus

     * When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you

     * Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want

     * Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower

     * Chew other people's pencils

     * Lie to your therapist and sit in her chair

     * Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces

     * Tell teenagers how things were in your day

     * Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation

     * Pee in the swimming pool

     * Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then

       cut in

     * Wear large hats during the movies

     * Forget the pooper scooper

     * Race the old woman for the last bus seat

     * Cause gridlock

     * Bring 15 things into the dressing room

     * Draw mustaches on posters

     * Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back

     * Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and cherry Twinkies on


     * Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you

     * Touch strangers

     * Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus

     * Bite your dentist's finger

     * Fart in cramped places

     * Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads

     * Don't stand during hymns and anthems

     * Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa

     * Rubberneck

     * Leave pages in the copier

     * Be "in conference" all the time

     * Don't clean the dryer lint screen

     * Buy it, wear it, return it

     * Tell people they have bad breath

     * Smell smoke often and announce it

     * Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet

     * Put everyone on speakerphone

     * Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you

     * Rain on someone's parade

     * Make scary faces at babies

     * Flirt with a friend's spouse

     * Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team

     * Pretend you're listening

     * Shake with your left hand