Car Acronyms

Acura     Awful,Crappy,Unreliable, Rusty Automobile
	  Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
	  All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
	  Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
	  Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
	  Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?

Audi      Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Beetle    Battered Everywhere; Expect To Lose Engine

BMW       Babbling Mechanical Wench
	  Beastly Monstrous Wonder
	  Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
	  Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
	  Big Money Waste
	  Big Money Works
	  Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
	  Born Moderately Wealthy.
	  Break My Windows
	  Broken Money Waster
	  Broken Monstrous Wonder
	  Brutal Money Waster
	  Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
	  Big Money Waster
	  Blasphemized Motorized Wreck
	  Bastard Money Wielders 
	  Break My Window
	  Busted My Wallet
	  But at least my Motor Works

Buick     Big Ugly Import Car Killer
	  Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
	  Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
	  Barfed Up Icky Carmel Korn

Camaro    Can't America Make A Real One?

Chevrolet Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
	  Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
Chevy     Charged Heavily
	  Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet 
	  Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

Chrysler  Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
	  Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

Citroen   Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

Dodge     Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
	  Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
	  Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
	  Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
	  Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego

Datsun    Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips

Fiat      F**king Italian Attempt (at) Transportation.
	  Failure in Automotive Technology
	  Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
	  Fix It Again Tony?
	  Fix It All the Time
	  Fuck in a Taxi.

Ford      F*cked over rebuilt Dodge
	  F*cker Only Runs Downhill
	  F*cked on Race Day
	  F*cking Over-Rated Disaster
	  F*ckin' Out-Right Dangerous
	  First On Recall Day
	  First on race day
	  Fix Or Repair Daily
	  Found on road dead
	  Forge Old Rancid Donuts
	  Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's
	  F*ckin Owner Real Dumb!!
	  For Only Redneck Drivers
	  F*cker Only Runs Damaged
(backwards)     Driver Returns On Foot

GMC       Garage Man's Companion
	  Generally Mediocre Cars
	  Got More Crap
	  Grungy Merchandise
	  Got Mechanic Coming

G.T.i.    Got Tossers Inside

Honda     Helping Out Nips Destroying America
	  How Odd-No Damn Acceleration
	  Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
	  Hand Over Dollars to Asians

IROC      I Race Other Cars
	  I Run Over Children

Jaguar    Jews And Germans Usually Argue Retail
	  Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop

Jeep      Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
	  Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole.
	  Just Eat Every Pickle.
	  Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
	  Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
	  Jumps Everything Ever Parked
	  JUST Enough Engine Power?

LTD       Lazy temperamental device
	  Leave the doors

Mazda     Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly

Mercedes  Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings

Mercury   Mileage Eventually Ruins Car -- Usually Ruins You
	  Makes Everyone Really Crave Underpowered, Recalled Yugo
	  Makes Envisioning REAL Car Understandable -- Recalled Yet?
	  Motorists Easily Rate Car (Usually "Real Yo-yo")

Minibus   Minus Insurance, No Inspection, Beat, Usually Spraypainted

Mopar     Most Often Passed At Races
	  Mostly Old Parts And Rust
	  Mostly Old Paint And Rust
	  Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars

Nissan    Now In Some Shitty Automobile Nightmare
	  Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon
	  Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
	  Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now

Oldsmobile Oh Look Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything
	  Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
	  Old Ladies Driving Slow making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late

Pinto     Put In New Transmission Often

Plymouth  Please Let Your Mother Out  Under The Hood!

Pontiac   Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadilliac
	  Pee On Nehru's Tired Italian Astronaut Cards

PORSCHE   Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
	  Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
	  Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
	  Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

Rabbit    Replace A Beetle? Boy, It Tried
	  Racy? Ain't! Bouncy, Ball-less Itty-bitty Toy!

Renault   Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

Rolls Royce     Royal Ostentation Lets Lethargic Shits Rumble Over Yogurt-
	     Consuming Esthetes

SAAB      Stupid, Arrogant Asshole Babies
	  Such an arrogant bastard!
	  Swedish Automobile - Always Broken

Sable     Sleezy auto brakes leak everytime

Toyota    Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
	  Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
	  Take Only Your Ordure To America

Triumph   The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
	  Trembling Ride, Intrusive Undercarriage, Meekly Powered Hotrod. 

Vanagon   Via Another Name: A Go-cart On Nerve

Volkswagen Vehicle Owner's List: Kite String, Wire, Aluminum, Gum, 
	    Engine (NOT!)

VW        Very Worthless

Holden ( An Australian manufacturer ) used to make a great selling point of their "Radial Tuned Suspension"
Everyone else called it Roughly Tuned Suspension......

STP       Stop Those Pistons.
E.F.I.    Extra Fucking Insurance 
BOW TIE   Big Over Weight Tired Impotent Engines
NAPA      Never Any Parts Available.

Q: How do you make a Yugo go faster?
A: A towtruck.

Q: What do you call the shock absorbers inside a Yugo?
A: Passengers.

Q: Why does a Yugo have a heated rear window?
A: So you hands won't get cold while you're pushing it.

I have also said for years that the car is named because "Yugo, but it doesn't".

Q: How can you get a Yugo to do 60 miles an hour?
A: Push it over a cliff.

Q: Have you heard about the new Yugo convertible?
A: Researchers how found that if you tow it past 60, the top flies off.

A friend went to a dealer the other day and said, "I'd like a gas cap for my Yugo."
The dealer replied, "OK. Sounds like a fair trade."

How do you double the value of a Yugo?
Fill the tank with petrol


GRAND RAPIDS MI, Ford Motor Company announced today the introduction of a new line of luxury automobiles. It's design is said to have been drawn from the company's long history of past innovations and contributions to the automobile industry. In respect to Ford's outstanding achievements, commitment to excellence and overall quality, the new car is being christened, with Arnold Schwartzenegger's endorsement, the 'Total Recall'.

AirBC     Scare BC

Air Canada Air Chaos

Air France Air Chance

ALITALIA  (The) Airplane Lands In Toronto And (the) Luggage In Australia
	  Always Late In Takeoffs, Always Late In Arrivals

BOAC      Better On A Camel

BWIA (British West Indian Airways) : But Will It Arrive?

CAAC      (Civil Aviation Administration of China)
	  China Air Always Canceled
	  China Air Always Crashed
	  China Airways Always Crashes

CP Air (now Canadian Airlines International)     Cabbage Patch Airlines

Delta     Don't Even Leave The Airport
	  Don't Even Let Them Aboard.
	  Doesn't Ever Land The Airplane
	  Don't ever let terrorists aboard
	  Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive
	  Don't Expect Loved-ones To Arrive
	  Don't Expect Luggage Today at All

Delta's Sky West: Scare West. . .

EL AL     Every Landing Always Late
	  Exploded Luggage -- Airliner Lost!

Lufthansa Let Us Fuck The Hostess And Not Say Anything.
	  Let Us Fuck The Hostess As No Steward Available
	  Lousy Useless Fliers: They Haven't Any Navigational Systems Aboard

Northwest Orient Northworst Disorient

PIA       Please Inform Allah
	  Pray I'll Arrive

PSA       Poor Sailors Airline

Pacific Western - PWA (now Canadian Airlines International) = Please Wait Awhile

QANTAS    Queenies And Nymphomaniac Transvestite Air Stewards
	  QUeers And Nymphos Trained As Staff

Sabena    Such A Bad Experience; Never Again!

SAHSA     Stay At Home, Stay Alive  (Honduras's Official Airline)

TWA       Try Walking Across
	  Trembling Wings Airlines.
	  The Worst Airlines
	  Teeny Weeeny Airlines
	  Travel With Amal
	  Terrorists With AK-47

US AIR    Unquestionably Still Allegheny In Reality.

Varig   Virgins Always Refuse Intensive Groveling