Cars and Personalities: Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars Acura NSX - I am impotent AMC Gremlin - I could only afford three-fourths of a Hornet. AMC Marlin - My father wouldn' t buy me a Camaro. Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires Audi 80 - I thought the 4000s was too fast. Austin-Healey 3000 - I can put raw meat on the transmission hump and have a well done steak by the time I arrive anywhere. Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states Buick Riviera - I'm not very smart, and I look like it Convertible too. Buick Electra - Hey, it's 30-year old technology. But it's GOOD 30-year old technology. Buick Reatta - I like ugly, impractical, boring cars. Cadillac Cimarron - I am stupid enough to pay extra money for an uglified Chevrolet. Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government Chrysler 5th Ave - Did the pushpins come free with the headliner? Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well Dodge Charger - Reliable is boring. My car is exciting. Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart) Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall. Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall. Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports. Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year. Jeep Wrangler - I am fiercely independent, just like all my friends with Jeeps Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp. Lotus Esprit - Ever pay $2000 for a tune up? I do. Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler MGB - I am dating a mechanic Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either Mitsubishi Eclipse GST - Why accelerate? Because you can! Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List Plymouth Fury - I like driving an air-conditioned sofa that can carry your car in my trunk as a spare Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me Renault 2CV - I think your car is ugly too. Rolls Royce - I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu Triumph TR6 - I am an amateur mechanic who enjoys challenge Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet VW Rabbit GTi - My mom won't let me buy a Porsche 'til I finish Algebra. VW Jetta - I stopped smoking pot when I got a real job after college. I swear. Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife Volvo 240 - Other drivers are unsafe. Let me go ahead and pull out in front of this guy to slow him down.