Canonical Chicken

From: Grumpy []
Subject: Chicken/Road Crossing Jokes

These are not my jokes, I just compile them.
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--begin jokes here--
Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: Why did it cross back?
A: It was a dirty double crosser!

Q: Why did the second chicken cross the road?
A: He was stapled to the first chicken!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Col. Sanders.

Q: Why did Dr. Kevorkian cross the road?
A: To help the patient find the other side.

Q: Why did George Bush cross the road?
A: He thought that crossing would be "prudent at this juncture"

Q: Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
A: Because he missed all the cars.

Q: How did the politican make the road cross?
A: He broke a campaign promise to it.

Q: How can you make crooked cops cross the road?
A: With your Visa card.

Q: How did the priest make the road a cross?
A: He painted another line.

Q: Why did Edmund Hillary cross the road?
A: Because it was there.

Q: How often does Hailey cross the road?
A: Every 76 years or so.

Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
A: Because the chicken retired and moved to Florida.

Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was already there.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!!!!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide!!!!!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the racoon it was possible.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It heard there was a cock on the roadside!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the basketball court.

Q: Why did the chicken go to the basketball court?
A: He heard the referee was blowing fowls (fouls).

Q: Why did the chicken cross Mass. Ave.?
A: To get to the Co-op. 

[Sender... The Harvard Co-operative Society (i.e. bookstore) is located on 
Massachusetts Avenue (pronounced Mass av) and is referred to as
the coop (one syllable as where a chicken or pigeon lives)]

Q: Why did John Bobbitt cross the road?
A: It heard there was a cock on the roadside!

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To see his friend Gregory Peck.

Q: How did the dead baby cross the road?
A: Stapled to the chicken!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Colonel Sanders was after him.

Q: And why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station, of course!

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: He found out that his blind date was Loraina (sp?) Bobbitt!

Q: Why did the graduate student cross the road?
A: He was writing his dissertation on the chicken.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Well, if the problem is considered from the existential viewpoint,
there could be linked with any member of the poultry family serious
logical deficiencies which would necessitate counseling and an in-depth, 
historic family psychoanalysis conducive to determining which
experiencial factors contributed to his (or her) becoming a "bad egg".
	There are other viewpoints on the problem,
but some of them start to get a little more complicated...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp.  What chicken?

Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road,

Ludvig von Beethoven: What?  Speak up.

Leopold Bloom: Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. MIgration 
maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom.

Molly Bloom: the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do 
you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things
here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there 
something wrong with me yes
George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide: To cultivate its garden.
Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian
biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.

Jacques Derrida: What is the *differance?* The chicken was merely deferring 
from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken
in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?
Epicurus: For fun.
Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation...

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop
its forward momentum.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it 
no choice-the police state was oppressing it.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of
which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost,
the chicken would be lost!
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on,
but it was moving very fast.
Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

James Joyce: Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo
crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...

James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of
its race.

Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.
Martin Luther King: It had a dream.
James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for *object a*.
Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken?  He's into that
kind of thing, you know.
Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for
it to cross.

H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous,
indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.

Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and
the other are not really opposites in the first place.

Paul de Man: (uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for
a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.

Manuel: Is not a chicken.  Is Siberian hamster.
Groucho Marx: Chicken?  What's all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an
uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced him, but we
needed the eggs.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that
has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the
road doth so for its own preservation.
Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
tend to cross the road.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored) reason.

Ted Nugent: "To prove to the opossum that it *can* be done."

Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the
feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on
its task.
Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism 
tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely 
following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.

Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road *because of its own rational choice to do
so* There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each
Ronald Reagan: Well, I forget.
Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

Carl Rodgers: Why do _you_ think the chicken crossed the road?
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the  
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself  
of the opportunity.
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776.
But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during
the duration.
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Thomas Parker (Grumpy)

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