Dumb Lawyers

 From the Salt Lake Tribune:
"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
 Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
 taken from official court records nationwide...

 1.  Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
     dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
     quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
     until the next morning?

 2.  Q: What heppened then?
     A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
        you can identify me.'
     Q: Did he kill you?

 3.  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

 4.  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

 5.  Were you alone or by yourself.

 6.  How long have you been a French Canadian?

 7.  Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

 8.  Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
        that picture.
     A: That's me.
     Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

 9.  Were you present in court this morning when you were
     sworn in?

 10. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
     A: By death.
     Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

 11. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
     A: I'll be three months on November 8.
     Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
        August 8?
     A: Yes.
     Q: What were you doing at that time?

 12. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
     A: I used to be.
     Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

 13. So you were gone until you returned?

 14. Q: She had three children, right?
     A: Yes.
     Q: How many were boys?
     A: None.
     Q: Were there girls?

 15. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
     it looked like, but can you describe it?

 16. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
     A: Yes.
     Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

 17. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
     unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
     and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next

 18. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
        examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose
     A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
        8:30 p.m.
     Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
     A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
        table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!