Nightmare Final Exam Questions

Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language.  Using
this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this
exam for you.

History: Describe the history of the papacy from its originas to the
present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic,
religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and
Africa.  Be brief and concise, yet specific.

Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and
given a partial copy of the electrical layout.  The electrical system
has been tampered with.  You have seventeen minutes to find the
problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch.   Remove your appendix.  Don't
suture until your work as been inspected.  You have 15 minutes.

Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginies are
storming the classroom.  Calm them.  You may use any ancient language
except Latrin, Hebrew, or Greek.

Biology: Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this life form had developed 500,000 years earlier, with
special attention to the probably effect, if any, on the English
parliamentary system circa 1750.  Prove your thesis.

Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and
building skills.  With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build
a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform
are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

Music: Write a full piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with a
clarinet and drum.  You will find a piano under your seat.

Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the
emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations
of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, and
Gregory of Nicea.  Support your evaluation with quotations from each
man's work, making appropriate references.  It is not necessary to

Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at
your lab table.  All necessary equipment has been provided.  There are
two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote.  If the
wrong substance is used, it causes instant death.  You may begin as
soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison.  (We
feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might be
associated with the end of the world.  Construct an experiment to test
your theory.

Mechanical Engineering: The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been
placed in a box on your desk.  You will also find an instruction
manual, printed in Machine Language.  In ten minutes a hungry Bengal
tiger will be admitted to the room.  Take whatever action you feel
appropriate.  Be prepared to justify your actions.

Economics: Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have
done to prevent the Great Depression.

Mathematics: Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a
straightedge and compass.  Discuss in detail the role these equations
had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s.

Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you.
Start World War III.  Report at length on its socio-political effects,
if any.

Religion: Perform a miracle.  Creativity will be judged.

Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook
paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.  Skin tones should
be true to life.

Physics: Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer an
in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on

Metaphysics: Describe in detail the nature of life after death.  
Test your hypothesis.

Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its
significance.  Compare with the development of any other kind of

General Knowledge: Describe in detail.  Be specific.

Extra Credit: Define the universe, and give three examples.