Canonical Lies

These are not my jokes, I just compile them.
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--begin jokes here--
Big Ten
Fixed in the next release.
Health care will be free.
I already paid that fine / registration / ticket.
I am not a crook...
I didn't inhale.
I didn't say that!
I hate to leave so soon.
I have a headache.
I love you.
I never buy the Post.
I never call 976-PEEE
I only have eyes for you.
I read rec.humor before posting an old joke.
I really had to work late, honey.
I swear I fell asleep on the couch.
I swear it's just a cold sore.
I won't cum in your mailbox.
I won't cum in your mouth.
I'll be right there.
I'll only put the head of it in...
I'll still respect you in the morning.
I'm a team player.
I'm actually a brain surgeon, I just flip hamburgers as a change of pace.
I'm not as look as I drunk.
I'm on the pill.
I'm sorry I came in your mouth.
I'm with the band.
I've had a vasectomy.
I've never felt this way about anyone before.
I've never lied.
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a dumb question!
It's only a cold sore.
It's only a cold sore.
Let's Just Be Friends.
Life has a meaning.
My commute is only 30 minutes.
No Purchase Necessary to Win.
Of COURSE I love you.
Of course I'll still respect you in the morning.
Oh, that can happen to EVERY man .
She (or he) is just a friend.
Size isn't important.
Strictly by the book.
Strictly fresh today.
That's a beautiful baby.
The check is in the mail.
The check is in your mouth.
The next release of our software fixes your problem.
These photos are for "Vogue" -- now lose the blouse!
This exam will be easier than the last one.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
This isnt covered by support - youll have to pay....
This will only hurt for a little while,
This will only take a minute.
Trust me!!!!!!
We just talked.
We're from the government; we're here to help.
What's fair is fair.
Worst economy in the last 50 years.
You can quit any time.
You gotta have faith.
You must have gotten to the bank before my deposit cleared.
You won't get pregnant if you're on to

? You're the best. You're the first. Yours free if you call now!!! -- Thomas Parker (Grumpy)

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