Canonical Oxymorons

The Apology: I've been quite tied up these past few months, and so
have not been quite as regular as I would have liked.  (Where's *your*

The Plan: The Canonical List of Oxymorons (now v94.3), is an
occasional posting on rec.humor. I post it when I've got a couple of
new entries, when I see a request on rec.humor.d or when someone asks
me nicely by email. I'd rather not be innundated with email requests,
but if you ask, I'll send you the most recent version.

There are a couple of ways to get copies of this list.  The simplest is to
go to
The New Ones: A bunch of submissions have arrived during the
hiatus. Keep 'em rolling! All additions are marked with +.  The
Winner: Matt Messina [], who warns that we
should "never generalize."

Comments? Questions? Concerns? Ideas? Suggestions? Additions?
Corrections? Secret confessions? Problems? Food?
% cat misc_babble | mail
Some light reading for the beach:
"Anarchy rules!"
"Free with purchase"
"Happy Monday"
+ "Never generalize"
"One size fits all"
"Slow children" (sign with a picture of a running child)
"Thank God I'm an Atheist"
"This page intentionally left blank"
A little big
Academic sorority
Accordion music
Accurate stereotype
Act naturally
Advanced BASIC
Aerobic exercise
Affirmative action, equal opportunity
Affordable housing
Aging yuppie
Airline food
Almost exactly
Alone together
American beer
American chop suey
American culture
American education
American English
American geographers
American history
American Honda
Apple tech support
Arms limitation
Art student
Artificial intelligence
Athletic scholarship
Australian spelling
Automated data processing
Back to the future
Bad health
Balding hair
Bankrupt millionaire
Beginning Finnish
Better than new
Black light
Boring orgasm
Brave politician
British fashion
Budget deficit
Bug free code
Business ethics
Cafeteria food
California culture
California expressway
Canadian culture
Casual intimacy
Central Intelligence Agency
Centrally-planned economy
Cheerful pessimist
Christian education
Christian militia
Christian Scientists
Church of Scientology
Civil engineer
Civil servant
Civil libertarian
Civil war
Classic rock & roll
Clean dirt
Clean hack
Clearly confused
Clearly misunderstood
Clinton leadership
Coca-Cola Foods
Coed fraternity/sorority
Collective liberty
College algebra
College education
Colored music
Committee schedule
Committee decision
Common sense
Communist Party
Completely unfinished
Compulsory volunteering
Computer science
Computer jock
Computer security
Congressional action
Congressional ethics
Congressional hearing
Congressional oversight
Conservative Democrat
Conspicuous absence
Constant change
Construction worker
Convenience store
Cooperative multitasking
Corporate planning
Cost effective
Country music
Courtesy towing
Creation science
Curved line
Customer satisfaction
CNN style
Debugged program
Debutante ball
Decent lawyer
Definite maybe
Degradable plastic
Democratic Congress
Department of the Interior
Desktop publishing
Diet ice cream
Dining hall food
Disco music
Down escalator/elevator
Dress pants
Driving pleasure
Dry beer
Dry ice
Dry wine
DOS operating system
Economic reform
Electroshock therapy
English syntax
Enquiring minds
Environmentalist bumper sticker
Ergonomic keyboard
European Community
Evolutionary fact
Exact estimate
Executive decision
Express bus
Express mail
Fair reporting
Fair trial
Fallout shelter
Family entertainment
Fast food
Federal budget
Fighting for peace
Final version
First annual
First-strike defense
Flexible freeze
Football scholarship
Forth programming language
Found missing
Free election
Free electron laser
Free love
Freezer burn
French culture
Fresh frozen
Friendly advice
Friendly competitor
Friendly fire
Full-length bikini
Full service
Functional manager
Funny clean joke
Fuzzy logic
Gay drill sergeant
Genuine imitation
Good grief
Good mother-in-law
Good Alan Rudolph film
Government aid/assistance
Government efficiency
+ Government integrity
Government organization
Graduate student
Great Britain
Guest host
Gunboat diplomacy
Half dead
Happily married
Hard disk
Hard water
Hazardous waste disposal
Helicopter flight
Higher education
Holy Roman Empire
Holy War
Honest crook
Honest politician
House Ethics Committee
Huge market niche
Human evolution
Indecent exposure
Industrial park
Institutional Revolutionary Party
Intelligent lifeforms
Internal Revenue Service
IBM compatible
Journalistic accuracy
Journalistic integrity
Jumbo shrimp
Just in Time (JIT)
Justice Rehnquist
Justice Thomas
Kentucky Fried Chicken
Kosher ham
Lace-up loafers
Lebanese government
Legal brief
Legal ethics
Legally drunk
Liberal Party (conservative)
Liberal, Kansas
Liquid crystal
Literal interpretation
Living dead
Long Island Expressway
Male compassion
Management science
Management support
Management action
Management style
Marketing strategy
Married life
Martial law
Math teacher
Mature student
McDonalds dinner
+ Meatless hamburger
Medicaid payment
Medical ethics
Microsoft Works
Middle East peace process
Military intelligence
Militart justice
Military peace
Modified final judgement
Moral Majority
Mutual attraction
Mutually exclusive
Necessary meeting
New Classic
New Democrat
New Mexico
Nice cat
Noble savage
Non-alcoholic beer
Non-denominational church
Nonworking mother
Now, then
Nuclear defense
Objective parent
Oddly appropriate
Operating system
Operation Rescue
Pacific Ocean
Paperless office
Partly pregnant
Passive aggression
Peace force
Peace officer
PeaceMaker missile
People's Democratic Republic Of Yemen
Personal computer
Petty cash
Philosophy science
Plastic glasses
+ Plastic silverware
Pocket calculator
Police protection
Polite cabbie
Political leadership
Political science
Politically correct
Poor Republican
Pop art
Portable standard Lisp
Postal Service
Pot luck
Practical logic
Precision bombing
Presidential promises
Pretty ugly
Private e-mail
Productivity committee
Professional courtesy
Progressive Conservative
Proprietary standard
Psychiatric care
Public school education
Quality assurance
Quality service
Quebec intellectual
Quick fix
Quick reboot
R & D
Rap music
Rapid transit
Rare steak
Reagan memoirs
Real fantasy
Realistic schedule
Realtime computing
Reasonable female
Recently new
Reckless caution
Red Indians
Relativistic correction
Religious education
Religious fact
Religious tolerance
Religious science
Republican initiative
Resident alien
Responsible committee
Restrained grandparent
Rolling stop
Rush hour
Russian economy
Safe sex
Same difference
Sanitary landfill
Satisfied Democrat
Saving price
Savings & loan
School food
+ School vacation
Scottish Danish (actual pastry sold at 7-11)
+ Second best
Sedate sex
Semi truck
Semi-boneless ham
Senate Ethics Committee
Sensitive male
Severely/slightly killed
Silent scream
Small crowd
Smart bomb
Smart drugs
Social Security
Social science
+ Socialist Worker
Soft rock
Software documentation
Software engineering
Solid glass
Southern justice
Spare rib
Speed limit
Sports sedan
Stealth bomber
Straight hook
Student athlete
Student teacher
Summer school
Suburban culture
Supporting documentation
Sweet sorrow
Swiss Steak
Synthetic natural gas
Tame cat
Taped live
Tax return
Television critic
Temporary tax increase
Terribly pleased
Terminal initialization
Tight slacks
Tone color
Total Quality Management (TQM)
True gossip
True story
Unbiased journalism
Unbiased news reports
Unbiased opinion
Unbiased predisposition
Uncontested divorce
Understanding banker
Understanding Unix
Union workers
United States
University of Nevada at Las Vegas
Unix prompt
Unix security
Unsalted Saltines
+ Urban planning
User friendliness
User-friendly war
Vegetable beef soup
Ventura Freeway
Violent agreement
Virtual reality
Voting power
Waiting patiently
War games
War hero
Wilderness management
Windows NT (New Technology)
Wonder Bread
Woods Metal
Working vacation
Young Floridian
Yummy sushi
10K fun run
12-ounce pound cake
6502-based computer

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