Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot:

10] You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"

  9]  For the past two hours, you've been going straight up

  8] He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet"

  7] Co-pilot is sitting on his lap

  6] When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"

  5] At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, Let's go find that Mars observer!"

  4] He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform

  3] Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, hic, hic, hic"

  2] As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to           the airport

  1] Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"