Canonical Short Books

Thanks especially to some recent contributors whose additions have been 
included just the other day.  As always, I hope a few of you get a kick out of 
this, and that those who do enjoy will be encouraged to send in their unique 

Have fun!

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                       The Shortest Books Ever Written,
                          as compiled by John Ruscio

NOTE:  The titles listed below do not necessarily reflect the personal views
       of myself, my family and friends, or anyone I've ever met.  If you're
       the complaining type, please do us all a favor and type:
       "unsubscribe rec.humor", followed by the [enter] or [return] key.  If
       anyone has original ideas for submissions or would like to arrange to
       send me large sums of money, use "RUSCIO@BINAH.CC.BRANDEIS.EDU".

                  This version updated last on:  6/19/94
                       Total number of entries:  320

AA Road Atlas Of Rockall
A Compendium Of Italian Nobel Prize Winners
Advanced Macintosh User's Guide
Advanced Piano, by Richard Clayderman
Advanced Piano, Vol II, by Yanni
Advanced Subtraction.
A Female's Guide To Logical Thinking.
A Foreigner's Guide To Camping In Florida
A Full Description Of All The Whales That Will Survive The Norwegian Massacre
A Guide To Arab Democracies
A Guide To Australian Etiquette
A Guide To Snorkeling In Norway
A Happy Home Life And Marriage, by Donald Trump
A Happy Home Life And Marriage, Part II, by Woody Allen
A Hiker's Guide To The Ho Chi Minh Trail
A History Of U.S. Presidents That Made Progress
A Journey Through The Mind Of A Squid.
All-Star Tributes To Regis Philbin.
A Mature Day In My Life, by Barry Bonds
Ambassadors And Diplomatic Employees Posting In Alt.Flame
Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean
American Foreign Policy Successes
American Friends
Americans Today That Are Brighter Than A Lightbulb
Americans Who Understand The Difference Between Punctuation And Grammar
A Millenium Of German Humor
Anagrams Of The Word "A".
An Anthology Of Coral Reefs Of The Sahara Desert
Anything Written By Patrick Swayze.
Arctic Water Polo.
A Selection Of Funny Jokes From Rec.Humor
A Tale Of No Cities.
Atheists Who Converted To Christianity
A Thesaurus Without Any Synonyms, Or Antonyms.
Axe Murderers Who Support "Feed The Children".
Banjo Sonatas.
Beating The Crap Out Of Innocent Little Children, by Benjamin Spock.
Bedouin Olympic Swimmers
Behave Yourself, by David Letterman
Being Humble, The English Way
Blacks I Met While Rowing
Blacks I Met While Yachting
Blind Dates That Worked Out
Bowler's Guide To Health & Fitness.
Burger King Items That Start With "Mc".
Career Opportunities For History Majors.
Chicago Cubs World Series Champioships.
Christmas Shopping At The Local Toxic Waste Disposal Site.
Clinton's Unbroken Promises
Compendium Of American Culture
Complete List Of American Malls Without A "Gap".
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Countries Competing In The World Series
Countries That Like Americans
Countries Where Socialism Is Successful
Cuban And Puerto Rican Pronunciation Guide
Cub Scout Adventures In Times Square.
Deep South Genetic Variation.
Deep-Thinking Liberals
Deep Throat For A Two Inch Penis
Dentures For Sharks
Detroit - A Travel Guide
Different Ways To Spell "Bob".
Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches.
Dutch Generosity Through The Centuries
Dwarfs With Champion Big Dicks
Embracing Junk.
Encyclopedia Of The Floridian Brain
Eskimo Swimsuit Models
Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance.
Everglades' Guide For Rock Climbing
Everything Men Know About Women
Excellence In The CFL
Exciting Things To Do In Worcester
Famous Australians Of The Fourteenth Century
Famous Long Islanders Who Weren't In Nationally Televised Scandals
Famous Norwegian Kings
Famous Norwegian Sports Heroes
Fan Mail Of Sirhan Sirhan
Fashion Statements Of Alcatrazz Prison
Fast And Efficient Windows Applications
Favorite Foreign Emigration Destinations Of The French
Feminists Worth Marrying
Fifty Days To A Better Hypothalamus.
Fire Escape Routes From The Bottom Of Lake Michigan.
Folk Stories Of The Canadian-Portugese Border Patrol.
French Hospitality
Frog Hygiene.
Fulfilled Campaign Promises, 478 BC - 1993 AD
Fun Party Games Involving Porcupines.
Fun With Blood-Stained Caligraphy.
Fun With Feces
Fun With Sharp, Painful Needles.
Fun With Unix
Gandhi's Influence On Ted Bundy
Gandhi's Influence On Al Bundy
Gay Men Named Spike
Genghis Khan And The Mongols:  A Feminist Perspective
George Bush:  The Wild Years
Good English Cooking
Good Norwegian Jokes
Great American Cars Of The 1980's
Great Australian Beers
Great Blonde Thinkers Through The Ages
Great English Lovers
Great Moments In Scab Football.
Hearing-Impaired Disc Jockeys.
Hemophilic Vampires
Heroes Of The Australian Resistance During World War II
Heterosexual Hangouts In Key West
Heterosexuality, by The Wedge Rats
Heterosexual Lesbians.
Hilarious Female Comics.
Hindu Beef Recipes
Honesty In The White House:  1969-1974
Household Uses For Plutonium.
How I Became A Stud, by Zamfir.
How Mass Unemployment Helps The Economby, by Various Socialists
How Paperclips Work.
How To Be A Successful Politician, by Jesse Jackson
How To Blow Your Nose
How To Cook Sushi
How To Keep A Virgin From Following You Around Afterward
How To Sustain A Musical Career, by Art Garfunkel.
How To Win Friends When You Still Smell Like Crap.
How To Win Your Life Back With A Nice Big Cheeseburger.
Ice Recipes.
In Chase Of The American Dream, by Fidel Castro
Inkless Pens.
Internet Threads That Don't Contain Flames
Italian War Heroes
I Was A Teenage Teenager
Japanese Compendium For English Pronunciation
Jewish Business Ethics
Jewish Sports Legends
Jurassic Laundromat.
Kayak To A Better Beginning.
Keebler Elves That Touch Themselves.
Kelly Chang:  The Chinese Redhead
Known Ways To Cure Cancer With A Toothbrush.
Life As An Air Traffic Controller, by Ray Charles.
List Of Canadian Men That Have A Penis Longer Than 5 Inches
Little-Known Secrets Of Nuclear Physics, by Jay Leno.
Madonna On Formal Wear
Mafia Music:  The Symphonies Of Don Vito Corleone
Malcolm X's Guide To Pork Dishes
Marcel Marceau's Greatest Speeches
Men Who Like Circumcision
Mexican Summit:  Legal Aliens In The U.S.
Mike Tyson On Dating Etiquette
Mike Tyson's Insightful Thoughts.
Mime Talk.
Modesty, The American Way
Modesty, The Argentinian Way
Mormon Divorce Lawyers
Mother Teresa's Guide To Erotic Pottery
Mountaineering The Netherlands
Moustache Mania!
My Argument For Democracy, by Ted Kennedy
My Favorite Barbers, by Yassir Arafat
My Favorite Jews, by Yassir Arafat
My Favorite Jewish Barbers, by Yassir Arafat
My Life As A Woman, by Martina Navratilova.
My Life On The Wagon, by Ted Kennedy
My Life Without Bill, by Roger Clinton
My Life Without Michael, by LaToya Jackson
My Life Without My Brother Ron, by Clint Howard
My Life Without My Father, by Ron Reagan
My Life Without Roseanne, by Tom Arnold
My Secrets And Tips To Make Friends, by Darth Vader
My Thoughts, by Ronald Reagan
National Directory Of Irish AA Members
Net Ethics
NFL's Greatest Thinkers Ever
Nice Guys Who Got To Be President
Nicknames For "Al".
Norwegians Without Herring Breath
Numerical Equivalencies Of 2.
Obesity In East Africa
Olympic Athletes Who Think Sports Are Really Stupid.
One Hundred And One Spotted Owl Recipes, by The EPA.
One-Legged Folk Dances.
On Human Rights, by Fidel Castro
Operating Instructions For Scotch Tape.
Oprah Winfrey's Guide To Avoiding Fatty Foods.
Original Japanese Designers
Orville Reddenbacher's Favorite Snack Treats.
Ouchless Spinal Bandages.
Our Favorite Disco Songs, by Led Zeppelin
Our Sex Life Since Gennifer Flowers, by Hillary Clinton
Owner's Manual To An Amish-Built Toaster.
Painless Tooth Extraction, by Mr. Sledge Hammer
Party Tricks With Boiling Lead
People Who Actually MADE.MONEY.FAST
People Who Saw "Ishtar".
Philanthropy, by Donald Trump
Pi, Rounded For Everyday Use
Pitcairn Island Telephone Book (Including Yellow Pages)
Pittsburgh When It's Not Raining:  A Photographic Collection
Planets That Rhyme With The Word "Planet".
Popular Lawyers
Popular Recording Artists With A Shred Of Artistic Integrity.
Portability Of The C Language
Practical Applications Of The Kamasutra For Non-Contortionists
Proud Parents Of Rock Musicians.
Public Political Activities During Franco's Government In Spain
Purebred Mutts.
Quantum Physics For Absolute Morons
Rapper's Guide To Etiquette.
Really Big Midgets.
Reasons Not To Have Sex
Recent Advances In Flying Submarine Technology.
Red Barns That Are Yellow.
Respected Lawyers.
Romanian Square Dances
Romantic Words Beginning With "X".
Ross Perot's Ear Improvement Manual.
Rottweilers Who Speak Italian.
Russian Humor Throughout The 1960's
Safe Driving In France
Sainthood In Government
Satan's Love Letters.
Scottish World Cup Successes
Sign Language For The Blind
Smelly Planets.
Snap, Crackle, Pop:  A Beginner's Guide To Knuckle Popping
Snap, Crackle, Pop:  A Beginner's Guide To Rice Crispies.
Social Occasions Requiring Hip Waders.
Soothing Nervous Polar Bears With Tickling Tricks.
Staple Your Way To Success.
Straight Hairdressers
Sub Aqua Thunder Storms
Subatomic Particles In The Bathtub
Subatomic Particles That Taste Like Licorice.
Successful Applications Of Artificial Intelligence
Successful Experiments In Cohabitation With Piranhas.
Successful Trekkies.
Surgeon General's Warning:  This Is Not A Book.
Swedish War Heroes
Sylverster Stallone's Dramatic Acting Tips.
Tasty Bile Recipes.
Tasty Sediment.
Ted Koppel's All-Time Greatest On-The-Air Booger Jokes.
The ABC's Of Gum Chewing.
The American Book Of Beautiful Cars
The American Medical Association's Guide To Proper Penmanship.
The Amish Phone Book
The Appeal Of Alan Thicke
The Beginner's Guide To Having Your Leg Fall Asleep.
The Best Things About America
The Book With No Title
The Canonical List Of Rap Songs With Positive Messages
The Comic Genius Of Tom Arnold
The Compleat Chevy Chase Show
The Complete Collection Of Harlem Poetry.
The Complete Guide To Composing And Playing Progressive Rap Music
The Contribution Of Political Correctness To Free Speech
The Deep, Philosophical Implications Of Turning Left.
The Educational Guide To MTV
The Elephant Is A Graceful Bird, It Flits From Tree To Tree
The Fat, Lard, And Oil Diet.
The Genius Of Barry Manilow
The Gentle Side Of Joseph Stalin
The Happy Hooker Goes To Our Lady Of Sorrows Convent
The History Of DARE In Bogota, Colombia
The History Of The ANOVA In Chinese Literature
The Irish In Israel:  A Retrospective
The KKK Manual Of Tact And Etiquette.
The Merits Of Gun Control, by the NRA
The Mormon Guide To Alternative Sex
The Outstanding Virtues Of Intel Processors
The Plan For Prohibition In Australia
The Pleasant Street Smells Of New York City.
The Pope's Wife, A Very Nice Nancy
The Rainy Day Book Of Flicking Dimes.
The Registry Of Motor Vehicles' Pledge Of Cheerfulness.
There's One Born Every Minute (200 blank pages)
Thesaurus Of Square Roots
The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole, Age 3/4
The Shaker Village Electrical Engineering Lexicon.
The Total Vocabulary Of Arnold Schwarzeneggar
The Warrent Commission's Search For Truth
The Who's Who Of Great Republican Humanitarians
The Wit And Wisdom Of Dan Quayle
Things That Look Like An Apple, Taste Like An Apple, But Are Not An Apple.
Things That Taste Better With Arsenic.
Things You Could Buy At The World Artichoke Festival.
Thinking American
To Tell The Truth, by President Bill Clinton
Understanding Moss.
Understanding The C Language
Unshakeable Principles I Live By, by Bill Clinton
User Friendly UNIX
Venezuelans Who Know Spelling
Vice Presidents With Really Good Ideas.
Volume One Of Madonna's Morality Encyclopedia.
Vomit, Vomit, Vomit
Waterskiing In The Bermuda Triangle
Ways To Cross The "T".
Ways To Give Change For A Penny.
Wealthy Bums.
Well-Fucked Virgins
Whales With An IQ]5
What To Do With Finger Paints.
Windows Programming Made Easy
Winning The Big One, by Gene Mauch
Wit And Wisdom Of Benny Hill
What Men Know About Women
Why I Love Britain:  A Native's Perspective
Why People Are More Important Than Animals, by Greenpeace
Why Political Correctness Is Not Censorship
Women Named "Fred".
World Leaders Born In Omaha
Wrath Of The Ant Colony.
Young, Single Males Speak Out Against Masturbation.
0 Uses Of A Dead Cat
20,000 Leagues Under Molten Lava.
30,000 Volts Of Electricity As A Means Of Hair Curling

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Terribly incomplete list of contributors, an all-too-recent inclusion, 
alphabetized for your pleasure:

A.T. Al-Saud
Jeremy Blumenthal
Miguel Farah F.
Bart Goddard
Reed Hubbard
Robert Bryan Lipton
Carlos Moreno
Jay Morrison
Trond Vidar Olsen
Ben Raia
Chris Rousseau
John Ruscio
Tarald Tronnes

** Join the club!  Write a really short book!  Or even just a fake title! **

   [-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- JoHn Ruscio -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -->
   | Department of Psychology, Brandeis University, Waltham, MA 02254-9110 |
   [-- -- -- -- (617) 736-3280 --  RUSCIO@BINAH.CC.BRANDEIS.EDU -- -- -- -->

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